So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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