Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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