She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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