Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
