i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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