but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
