so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
