Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
