if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize