There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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