I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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