i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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