i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
