he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
