think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
