I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It's never too late to be topless.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
