When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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