Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
