just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
