he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize