I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
