Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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