I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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