At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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