Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
