Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
