I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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