Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
please come you make the beer taste better
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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