Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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