he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
