If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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