i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
