Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
