dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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