he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
