stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
