What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
