we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
