just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
