I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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