Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
