she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
