It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So here I am, sexting at work.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
