Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
