everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
