my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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