I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
