god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
