Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
