Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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