Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
where are you?
Hypothermia
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
