bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
