I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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