i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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