Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize