1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
