Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
