Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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