well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
