i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
