my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
