You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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