Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
