Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
